art v. ambition

2007-10-07T01:08:00.000-05:00

i just sat through the special edition of the movie Dune. almost three hours long. and the entire time i was watching it i kept thinking about the idea of what separates art from ambition.

with all due respect given to the source material, as the novel gave birth to my long-aquired band name, i sat through the movie marvelling at the ambitious ideas that david lynch was trying to accomplish. obviously the special edition was put together without his consent and so i can't judge his intentions on it but i have seen the original cut and saw the problems with the way they told the story.

too much exposition, lots of inner monologue and not a ton of action. but at the same time it made the movie one of the most interesting film experiences for me. so i found myself liking the movie tremendously for what it was attempting to do and seeing faults with it at the same time.

so tonight while i watched i came back to the debate i was talking earlier about and wondering where the disconnect happened for david lynch and where that disconnect happens for any artist. he had grand ideas going into the movie i am sure and judging by the time put into the cinematography and effects he definitely was trying hard to achieve some sort of innovative use of the sci-fi film. but in the end nothing in the movie gels quite right.

so where did the ambition go and when did it decide to leave the final product or was the project doomed from the start.

as i type this i realize that this problem affects me too. i had a grand blog running in my head while i was watching the movie and couldn't wait to sit down and type it out. but the blog i am posting is hardly the kind of impressively well thought out idea i had in my head. so where did the disconnect happen? how will it affect other aspects of my creative life? has it already happened without my knowing? how do i prevent it?

just to add to the post below

2007-09-27T21:34:00.000-05:00

i don't want the tag "my sister my hero" to give the impression that i am playing favorites in my family.

the more i learn about them the more i realize the amazing things my family members have been capable of and they all are heroes to me in one way or another.

from battling mental disorder, to sacrificing their careers to raise their family, or working harder then they should have to just to provide a better life for their children, and working in the non-profit world to create a program to help challenged kids.

my family is made up of extraordinary people and i guess i just want to know where i fit in with them.

it occurs to me

2007-09-27T21:14:00.000-05:00

i was reading my sister Maria's curriculum vitae online tonight.

i have always maintained that there is a real disconnect between me and the rest of my family. not that we don't love each other or talk to each other but still i feel so different from the rest of them.

and this gets proven again when i look at all my sister's accomplishments and i realize that i know nothing about what she has done with her career.

she is a college professor and as i have stated before she has just published her first scholarly work but i still don't understand what she specializes in or what her interests are in her studies.

maybe i am afraid that given my normal tendency to disagree on alot of things with her and and my brother-in-law i won't be able to seperate them from their beliefs and i want to just view them as my sister and brother-in-law, no controversy, no arguments and i can have my familial bond in a state of complete blissful ignorance of the topics that she has devoted her life to researching and pursuing with her considerable intelligence.

at this point people always wonder if i am upset that she converted to Islam and to that degree i have to say no.

Islam is something that is thought of as quite divisive in today's political climate. i like to think that my lack of any real interest in following any given religion gives me some sort of view where i can not buy into all the generalizations that i am presented with in the media and just see her as my sister. she is not crazy as is also assumed when i mention her religious beliefs. i respect her deeply for choosing what she wants to believe in even if i don't fully understand it.

the heart of the matter is that Maria is and will always be an amazing person. she is smart and compassionate and never judges anyone in our family or treats them any differently then the way she treated them years ago before the conversion. and as i read her curriculum vitae i am amazed at what she has accomplished and what she has risked in the pursuit of her beliefs and what she wants to learn and say on them.

i hope in ten years when i am her age i can look back on my own career and be able to say i followed my heart and my brain in the right direction and that it will have provided me with a better life for myself the current state of adjustment i currently am residing in.

two days notice

2007-09-27T19:27:00.000-05:00

and i still managed to come up with some idea for a short solo for ryan's new death metal demo. it was kind of sloppy but he assured me it was ok due to the fact that it is just at the demo stage right now.

trying to shred again gave me some serious blisters on my fingertips. i guess that is what happens when all you have is an acoustic guitar laying around and you pretend you are a singer/songwriter and not a metal guitar god.

in other music news, i bought an ocarina. just a cheap starter one to get the technique down. i am hoping to build an army of instruments for use on the next baliset album.

i hate that i come up with good ideas but then i blog about them and all of a sudden the jinx strikes and a setback happens so i am just going to keep my mouth shut for the time being.

here is a random list of nothing relevant...things i got really excited about this week:

1. the iron maiden somewhere back in time tour next year - sure i have known about it for a few weeks but it doesn't stop bringing a smile to my face.

2. Julie recommended the comic book "preacher" and i got volume 1 last night and couldn't sleep till i finished it. it was mesmerizing and between that and the walking dead i have a good amount of new comic material to go through since i finally finished the sandman, v for vendetta, from hell, and watchmen.

3. the heroes season premiere was amazing...like joss whedon amazing which is saying something since i felt they went out with a whimper in may. but a strong opening that makes the season finale look a little better is a good thing and redeems my feelings on their writing staff.

4. Mike Gravel - the man has no chance of getting the democratic nomination because he is too old and curmudgeonly but that is exactly what made him so amazing in the debates last night. he didn't have to try and impress voters...he just verbally bitch-slapped hilary clinton, barack obama, and john edwards and that is what we need in a debate. we need someone to really play the extreme asshole card and catch them off guard and see who can really defend their policies and show us true presidential material. so far i am not all that impressed by any of them. they each have good ideas but the fringe candidates like gravel and kucinich just impressed me more because they have no reason to sugar coat their agendas, they aren't trying to fool anybody and it really made the debates more of a debate and not just robotic reading of pre-planned and rehearsed answers with $500 haircuts.

2007-09-19T00:20:00.000-05:00

its late and i have been working out the website a bit.

i have found i can't stick with one design long enough without it being ultra-cheesy in my opinion so here is my latest attempt.

i also signed up for nimbit which for those who don't know is an online music tool for indie artists that allows them to create cool webpages as well as setting up an online store for selling my stuff.

signing up for it definitely got me thinking about how i want to pursue stuff and i am hopeful to have something there in the early part of 2008.

the artwork for a time for rust is nearing completion and once i have settled everything with the artist i will probably be posting the cover art which is fucking amazing.

now i go to sleep

where i am a viking!

In my latest attempt at

2007-09-11T09:06:00.001-05:00

In my latest attempt at pushing the boundaries of workplace attire i am wearing a red iron maiden shirt for red, white, and blue casual day

new tuning tuesday

2007-09-04T22:02:00.001-05:00

DGCGAC

works well with the capo on the fifth fret

When a musician feels low

2007-08-28T23:32:00.001-05:00

When a musician feels low and not worth anything, the simple act of figuring out a melody to a song has an amazing redemptive quality...

moving and feeling kinda blue

2007-08-12T02:19:00.000-05:00

now don't misinterpret that title

i am moving out of revere and for that i am very happy. my living situation has kind of deteriorated here and i am glad to start over with new roommates in a new area with new things to encounter and see.

that being said of all i have experienced in revere i think i will actually really miss living so close to the blues diner on broadway. it was cheap delicious food served by a wonderful woman who treated you like a mother and made sure you had a great meal.

but its time to move on to pastures new close to harvard square

My most organized thoughts are

2007-08-03T15:31:00.001-05:00

My most organized thoughts are structured while i am wacked out of my mind on coffee

Insensitivity Training 101: i just

2007-08-03T13:24:00.001-05:00

Insensitivity Training 101: i just asked someone to pick me up a coffee extra "diabetic" meaning LOTS of sugar

I wanna be easy... easy

2007-08-03T11:20:00.001-05:00

I wanna be easy... easy like sunday morning

nekkid

2007-08-02T20:37:00.002-05:00

so allow me to lay out all the baggage on the table.

i tell myself that i am going to release an album in january and i start pursuing means of financing said operation and i get met with brick walls. record labels aren't really interested in me unless they don't have to spend money, banks won't touch me with a ten foot pole, and the words of wisdom i gained from a small business development center is that i am so financially fucked at the moment that i need to spend a year or so repairing my credit before he could even begin to suggest ways for me to start a record label and release my own music.

but the weird thing is that i didn't get super upset at these roadblocks because they made me realize that i haven't exactly worked hard enough on this project. i mean i put alot of time into the songs but if i am going to do this right and put something out with the quality i need to hold myself too then i am really going to have to work harder and make new goals.

so i am officially in research and hibernation mode. the vocal lessons are strengthening my resolve and confidence and i am reading alot of how you run a record label.

also i found an awesome artist name eliran kantor who has sent me a rough draft of the artwork and it is incredible so hopefully soon i can display it

this is where i think i am supposed to find out what i am made of and how hard i am willing to work to satisfy a dream.

although this doesn't exactly mean i can't release "something" in january. we'll see how the progress goes!

I can now txt my

2007-08-02T20:37:00.001-05:00

I can now txt my blog...CRAZY

Test

2007-08-02T20:31:00.001-05:00

Test

Jesus Sent Me A Myspace Message

2007-08-01T01:00:00.001-05:00

and he encouraged me to use a website to "get local pussy."

fascinating

i'll admit it...

2007-07-09T22:42:00.001-05:00

i really am a sucker for cryptic mysterious viral ad campaigns for strange movies about monsters attacking NYC based on that weird cryptic trailer that showed before the transformers movie.

i must have wasted over two or three hours today alone looking up stuff online about the movie and solving puzzles and wondering if it will really be about Cthulu and then thinking i should bone up on my Lovecraft...

kitty shhhhhhhhhh

2007-07-01T23:18:00.000-05:00

i am watching the kitty for a few days.

those of you who visited me at my last apartment know which kitty i am talking about.

having her here reminds me that it is getting close to the one year anniversary of getting pumpkin put to sleep.

i don't really talk about him much anymore but when the memories of that night come to me i get very saddened. it was just another in a series of fun blows which life decided to hand me last year.

life seems so much different now. there are still problems and issues but its like i am different person in alot of respects. i don't have a grand thought to come out of these words. i am just rambling for the moment because i can't sleep.

i believe i am getting closer to establishing a firm set of goals for myself musically.

i was checking out Toby's blog today and hopefully he won't mind me reposting this but when someone asked him if i was contributing to the new kayo dot album his response was "greg's not playing on this one.. although he's not disinvited or anything, but just busy with his own stuff and we're doing the guitars on the west coast."

anyhoo, i thought it was quite nice of him to put it like that, i guess it drove home for me that after 15 years of friendship and 10 of those years spent as bandmates, i was able to take the initiative to leave and pursue my own course in music while keeping a good friendship intact and that makes me happy.

now to just figure out what type of course i really am on musically and if the goals i am imagining for myself will be able to be fulfilled.

also

2007-06-24T23:20:00.001-05:00

i have signed up for vocal lessons!

War of the Worlds

2007-06-24T22:45:00.000-05:00

so i am sitting here in my bedroom...

i have been demoing new baliset songs on my computer alot this past week and a half or so.

my idea is to have the next album written and ready to record by the time i finish all the work getting "a time for rust" out by January and then i can book some time with Colin to get the new songs down ASAP so it won't take four years to have an album done.

i have noticed that my songs for the new album are alot simpler and song-y whereas on "a time for rust" i have a little more of an epic prog-rock feel to the songs even though at the core they are also nice songs i elaborated on.

i am not sure how exactly i feel about the songs just yet. i think they are the best and strongest ones i have done ever but am i being too simple with them? am i not trying hard enough to make them more interesting? or am i just waiting till i have the drums behind them so that i can let my imagination go wild over the top of them and make them sound way different?

i am not sure where exactly this will lead me but i am feeling good about this new album and the renewed vigor i have now to finish "a time for rust" definitely helps keep me motivated!

now i just need to get the finished keyboard tracks from John and finalize the vocals for dreamflesh and maybe add some nice instrumentation to a few other places and then voila we are ready to mix!

and then i set the mixing dates for november 12-16 at zing and hopefully i can get it mastered soon after that and off to the manufactuer for a January release! and a release from my mental energies as well!

i will try to keep my blog more up to date. i have really fallen behind the last few months...

ps. my current non-music interests this weekend have been nutella, the prelinger archives, watching alternative 3, orson welles on youtube, and listening to his original "war of the worlds" broadcast. f'n amazing!

baliset update

2007-06-01T21:55:00.001-05:00

finished vocals on three songs...

Its Been Awhile

2007-05-19T19:03:00.000-05:00

What has been up?

I got a girlfriend who is the most amazing girl. =)

I have a recording date with colin arctopus in a couple weeks too.

More updates will follow soon!

new tunings

2007-03-24T12:43:00.000-05:00

CGCEbBbD

CACEbBbD

Lyric Update

2007-03-13T20:12:00.000-05:00

also i have found myself thinking more about my silly thrash project and coming up with approriately silly lyrics for them. not parody type of silliness but your general violent lyrics about zombies, evisceration, and maybe some other fun topics.

"I Have Memory And Awareness But I Have No Shape Or Form"

2007-03-13T20:05:00.000-05:00

my insurance kicked back in which means i was able to get my zoloft prescription again. its been so long though and the anxiety was starting to creep back in so i had him also re-prescribe me some lorazepam while the zoloft works itself back into my system.

so this past week has been full of sedatives, slayer's reign in blood, visits with the fam, weird al, rush - hempispheres, and a general haze of knowing i have woken up, done stuff, and gone to bed.

but it beats that ol' familiar feeling of emptiness that resurfaced