In my latest attempt at

2007-09-11T09:06:00.001-05:00

In my latest attempt at pushing the boundaries of workplace attire i am wearing a red iron maiden shirt for red, white, and blue casual day

new tuning tuesday

2007-09-04T22:02:00.001-05:00

DGCGAC

works well with the capo on the fifth fret

When a musician feels low

2007-08-28T23:32:00.001-05:00

When a musician feels low and not worth anything, the simple act of figuring out a melody to a song has an amazing redemptive quality...

moving and feeling kinda blue

2007-08-12T02:19:00.000-05:00

now don't misinterpret that title

i am moving out of revere and for that i am very happy. my living situation has kind of deteriorated here and i am glad to start over with new roommates in a new area with new things to encounter and see.

that being said of all i have experienced in revere i think i will actually really miss living so close to the blues diner on broadway. it was cheap delicious food served by a wonderful woman who treated you like a mother and made sure you had a great meal.

but its time to move on to pastures new close to harvard square

My most organized thoughts are

2007-08-03T15:31:00.001-05:00

My most organized thoughts are structured while i am wacked out of my mind on coffee

Insensitivity Training 101: i just

2007-08-03T13:24:00.001-05:00

Insensitivity Training 101: i just asked someone to pick me up a coffee extra "diabetic" meaning LOTS of sugar

I wanna be easy... easy

2007-08-03T11:20:00.001-05:00

I wanna be easy... easy like sunday morning

nekkid

2007-08-02T20:37:00.002-05:00

so allow me to lay out all the baggage on the table.

i tell myself that i am going to release an album in january and i start pursuing means of financing said operation and i get met with brick walls. record labels aren't really interested in me unless they don't have to spend money, banks won't touch me with a ten foot pole, and the words of wisdom i gained from a small business development center is that i am so financially fucked at the moment that i need to spend a year or so repairing my credit before he could even begin to suggest ways for me to start a record label and release my own music.

but the weird thing is that i didn't get super upset at these roadblocks because they made me realize that i haven't exactly worked hard enough on this project. i mean i put alot of time into the songs but if i am going to do this right and put something out with the quality i need to hold myself too then i am really going to have to work harder and make new goals.

so i am officially in research and hibernation mode. the vocal lessons are strengthening my resolve and confidence and i am reading alot of how you run a record label.

also i found an awesome artist name eliran kantor who has sent me a rough draft of the artwork and it is incredible so hopefully soon i can display it

this is where i think i am supposed to find out what i am made of and how hard i am willing to work to satisfy a dream.

although this doesn't exactly mean i can't release "something" in january. we'll see how the progress goes!

I can now txt my

2007-08-02T20:37:00.001-05:00

I can now txt my blog...CRAZY

Test

2007-08-02T20:31:00.001-05:00

Test

Jesus Sent Me A Myspace Message

2007-08-01T01:00:00.001-05:00

and he encouraged me to use a website to "get local pussy."

fascinating

i'll admit it...

2007-07-09T22:42:00.001-05:00

i really am a sucker for cryptic mysterious viral ad campaigns for strange movies about monsters attacking NYC based on that weird cryptic trailer that showed before the transformers movie.

i must have wasted over two or three hours today alone looking up stuff online about the movie and solving puzzles and wondering if it will really be about Cthulu and then thinking i should bone up on my Lovecraft...

kitty shhhhhhhhhh

2007-07-01T23:18:00.000-05:00

i am watching the kitty for a few days.

those of you who visited me at my last apartment know which kitty i am talking about.

having her here reminds me that it is getting close to the one year anniversary of getting pumpkin put to sleep.

i don't really talk about him much anymore but when the memories of that night come to me i get very saddened. it was just another in a series of fun blows which life decided to hand me last year.

life seems so much different now. there are still problems and issues but its like i am different person in alot of respects. i don't have a grand thought to come out of these words. i am just rambling for the moment because i can't sleep.

i believe i am getting closer to establishing a firm set of goals for myself musically.

i was checking out Toby's blog today and hopefully he won't mind me reposting this but when someone asked him if i was contributing to the new kayo dot album his response was "greg's not playing on this one.. although he's not disinvited or anything, but just busy with his own stuff and we're doing the guitars on the west coast."

anyhoo, i thought it was quite nice of him to put it like that, i guess it drove home for me that after 15 years of friendship and 10 of those years spent as bandmates, i was able to take the initiative to leave and pursue my own course in music while keeping a good friendship intact and that makes me happy.

now to just figure out what type of course i really am on musically and if the goals i am imagining for myself will be able to be fulfilled.

also

2007-06-24T23:20:00.001-05:00

i have signed up for vocal lessons!

War of the Worlds

2007-06-24T22:45:00.000-05:00

so i am sitting here in my bedroom...

i have been demoing new baliset songs on my computer alot this past week and a half or so.

my idea is to have the next album written and ready to record by the time i finish all the work getting "a time for rust" out by January and then i can book some time with Colin to get the new songs down ASAP so it won't take four years to have an album done.

i have noticed that my songs for the new album are alot simpler and song-y whereas on "a time for rust" i have a little more of an epic prog-rock feel to the songs even though at the core they are also nice songs i elaborated on.

i am not sure how exactly i feel about the songs just yet. i think they are the best and strongest ones i have done ever but am i being too simple with them? am i not trying hard enough to make them more interesting? or am i just waiting till i have the drums behind them so that i can let my imagination go wild over the top of them and make them sound way different?

i am not sure where exactly this will lead me but i am feeling good about this new album and the renewed vigor i have now to finish "a time for rust" definitely helps keep me motivated!

now i just need to get the finished keyboard tracks from John and finalize the vocals for dreamflesh and maybe add some nice instrumentation to a few other places and then voila we are ready to mix!

and then i set the mixing dates for november 12-16 at zing and hopefully i can get it mastered soon after that and off to the manufactuer for a January release! and a release from my mental energies as well!

i will try to keep my blog more up to date. i have really fallen behind the last few months...

ps. my current non-music interests this weekend have been nutella, the prelinger archives, watching alternative 3, orson welles on youtube, and listening to his original "war of the worlds" broadcast. f'n amazing!

baliset update

2007-06-01T21:55:00.001-05:00

finished vocals on three songs...

Its Been Awhile

2007-05-19T19:03:00.000-05:00

What has been up?

I got a girlfriend who is the most amazing girl. =)

I have a recording date with colin arctopus in a couple weeks too.

More updates will follow soon!

new tunings

2007-03-24T12:43:00.000-05:00

CGCEbBbD

CACEbBbD

Lyric Update

2007-03-13T20:12:00.000-05:00

also i have found myself thinking more about my silly thrash project and coming up with approriately silly lyrics for them. not parody type of silliness but your general violent lyrics about zombies, evisceration, and maybe some other fun topics.

"I Have Memory And Awareness But I Have No Shape Or Form"

2007-03-13T20:05:00.000-05:00

my insurance kicked back in which means i was able to get my zoloft prescription again. its been so long though and the anxiety was starting to creep back in so i had him also re-prescribe me some lorazepam while the zoloft works itself back into my system.

so this past week has been full of sedatives, slayer's reign in blood, visits with the fam, weird al, rush - hempispheres, and a general haze of knowing i have woken up, done stuff, and gone to bed.

but it beats that ol' familiar feeling of emptiness that resurfaced

No Longer The Only Member of My Family With Something on Amazon

2007-03-10T13:33:00.000-05:00

Fuck You Tom Cruise

2007-03-08T13:02:00.000-05:00

i am really enjoying the brain meds.

Penance

2007-03-06T19:46:00.000-05:00

"I'll do my best to suffer with some grace."

Aeon Spoke - Grace

Growing up in a devout Catholic household, penance was really a simple idea when I was a kid.

You do something "bad" and you go pray to God and BOOM you are pure again.

And that is how they fuck you up when you are religious like that because they don't warn you that the idea of what is truly wrong and what you should truly be sorry for changes drastically as you get older.

By the time I was in high school I already was skeptical of the idea because there I am telling a priest that I have sinned but at the same time neglecting to bring up the fact that during the summer of 1994 I probably jerked off up to three times a day because while i am sure I would have needed to say a few more Hail Mary's the bottom line was that in my heart I didn't regret it at all.

Now I am 28 and have lost my earlier faith but still have been struggling with how I define forgiveness and penance in my life because I feel like there is soemthing important there. And what I have come up with thus far is that at this stage of life penance can be expounded upon by asking the question "what do I deserve?"

The line isn't simple anymore and I am not the first person to say this but think about all you have done. For instance I can look back on ten years of living and realize the points when I was weak. I can see the times when I have lied and betrayed the trust of friends, when I have acted out of lust, when I have knowingly hurt someone's feelings or acted out of greed and selfishness and I look at all that and wonder how I can feel I deserve to have any success of any kind in any aspect of my life if I have not yet atoned for what I have done.

I don't mean this in a religious way since God himself will tell you I haven't gone near a confessional in almost ten years I bet but I wonder how successful I have been as a human in making up for what I have done. When have I done something special for a friend or been there for them? When have I truly tried to act selflessly towards another human and how can you possibly take everything from these two sides and then stack them up side by side. How would you compare and then what do you deserve? Do you deserve to be with someone special or living in a wonderful house or apartment? Or do you deserve to be on the outskirts of humanity barely getting by until you realize that most of what you encounter every day is so unimportant.

I am not able to make these kinds of judgements for myself but it gives me something to think about on days when all the world finds me worthy of despair and I am left to take it and smile and try and remember that this isn't second grade catholicism anymore. There is no great wiping of the slate and you will continue to chalk up transgressions and moral victories in life and do you believe this will inform or predict your ultimate place in life or will you finally realize that what you deserve isn't important anymore.

"If there's no great glorious end to all this, if nothing we do matters… then all that matters is what we do. 'Cause that's all there is. What we do. Now. Today."

Angel - "Epiphany" (Season 2)

sunday

2007-03-04T13:00:00.000-05:00

there's really no gentle or proper way to talk about anything that has been going on with me the last couple weeks.

and the movie "zodiac" is a really weird f'n movie experience.

If I were in charge of the Anti-Trenchcoat Defamation League

2007-02-19T18:50:00.000-05:00

I would definitely create some ads that show goth kids in trenchcoats like helping old ladies across the street and rescuing kittens from a tree or something.

You know so that people stop assuming that weirdos in trenchcoats are just capable of shooting up schools and shopping malls.